Season Two, Episode Tooo

 Season Two, Episode Two The Terrible Toooos

Welcome to the Listening Tube! I’m your host, Bob Woodley. In this edition, we’ll philosophize about the usefulness of philosophy, the most useless patent ever, and a West German man humiliates the entire Soviet Air Force. But first...(not the headlines) 

A woman in Oklahoma got a divorce and her name was removed from the birth certificate of couples only child. Now, you’re probably thinking, “Wait a minute, Bob. How can the mother of a child have her name removed from a birth certificate?” Well, that’s the sticking point. You see, this wasn’t a conventional couple, this was a lesbian couple. The Advocate cites a local news outlet as saying the couple were married in 2019. Just a few years ago. Shortly after they married, they had a child through artificial insemination of who we’ll call woman A. As it turns out, the couple didn’t last, and they got divorced. Now, you would think that a marriage that lasted only three years or so would be fairly easy to reconcile. You take whatever stuff was yours, and I’ll take whatever stuff was mine, and we’ll find an easy way to split up the stuff we bought together. But the divorce became contentious. So even though both women were there for the entire pregnancy, and even though woman B was the one to cut the umbilical cord, it was woman A who actually gave birth, and when the marriage dissolved, and the split wasn’t amicable, woman A decided to add insult to injury and petitioned a court to get woman B’s name taken off the birth certificate. So because woman B doesn’t have any biological connection to the child, and because she didn’t legally adopt the child, a judge ruled that her name would be replaced on the birth with the name of the sperm donor. The sperm donor, ironically, is petitioning the court for custody of the child. So both woman A and woman B may lose custody of the child, although woman A would still have visitation rights, while woman B will have no legal recourse at all. The court has agreed to reconsider the ruling, but courts aren’t famous for changing their minds. Meanwhile, woman B’s lawyer says it’s not about the divorce, it’s not about marital property. It’s about the custody of a child that was born of that marriage. And, yes, it is. Is it right that woman B’s parental rights are being stripped from her, and her name being erased from the birth certificate? It depends on how you look at it. On the one hand, she helped raise this child from the time of its conception, and was a willing and able parent who had enough love to share that she wanted to bring a new life into the world and would help it grow. She was there for the first years of its life and the child is familiar with her and trusts her. She’s one of it’s moms, after all. On the other hand, she isn’t biologically related to the child, and never took the extra step to make sure she would be recognized as a legal guardian, and probably never even thought it was needed. Surely having her name on the birth certificate was enough, right? Nope. She forgot that woman A was the birth mother, and the father was a man who donated sperm. And that man who donated sperm has more of a right to the child than woman B. And here’s why: Sperm donors have, in the past, been court-ordered to pay child support for a child who’s sperm was used to create said child, even though he had no relationship with the mother or even knew if his sperm was used to artificially inseminate a woman. Imagine being a man who donates sperm to a sperm bank because you needed a few bucks, or your ego was boosted when you were told you have some physical characteristics that are coveted. A couple years go by and you find out that a woman is looking for you, because you’re the biological father of her child. You don’t know it yet, but she was recently divorced. Her husband was impotent, so your sperm was used to make her pregnant so the happy couple could have a family. Again, it didn’t work out, and now the husband gets a lawyer who argues that the man shouldn’t be responsible for child support because he’s not the biological father. The court agrees, and rules that the biological father, who doesn’t even know he has a kid, is now responsible for child support. And while this couple is raising what is half his kid, he’s existing on Ramen noodles and hoping his car doesn’t get repossessed. Then he finds out he has a kid with a woman he’s never met. He finds out his name is on a birth certificate. And it’s not HIS birth certificate! It appears that the father in this case knew the couple who used his donation. But that’s not always how it happens, and the courts need to take into consideration first and foremost the biological connections, regardless of emotion or the history of the child and it’s surroundings. When woman B heard the ruling that her name would be removed from the birth certificate, she said, “My body instantly started shaking. I mean pure terror, as a queer person, to be erased.” I’m sure she’s devastated by the whole ordeal. But the fact that she’s being erased isn’t because she’s “queer.” As a matter of fact, the same thing happened to my dad. And I can assure you he was a heterosexual male. He loved women. I use the plural term women because that’s why my mom divorced him. She remarried, and my step-dad adopted my sister and me. My current birth certificate doesn’t mention my biological father. My step-dad is listed, along with my mother, on my birth certificate. Because my my mom’s second (and last) husband legally took responsibility for our guardianship. Although I maintained a relationship with my biological father until he died, he wasn’t the father listed on my birth certificate since I was 10 years old. The circumstances of her case and mine are different, but the laws that are being applied are the same. Nobody’s trying to erase you because you’re “queer.” You’re being erased because the laws are being applied to you in the same way they are applied to heterosexuals. 

Memorial day is celebrated in the United States on the last Monday in May. Memorial Day is one of those holidays that have a somewhat somber tone, in that the day is set aside to remember those who have fallen in battle, defending America and her interests around the world. But Memorial day has also been transformed into a celebration of the unofficial beginning of summer. Time to break out the grill and get working on the garden. It’s hard to commercialize a holiday that commemorates people who’ve died, so we found a way to make a more festive occasion of it. Now we buy hamburgers and hot dogs, beer and soda, and gather together with our families and friends, weather permitting, outdoors at the lake or in the back yard. Bottom line, when Americans get a holiday, we want to celebrate and have a good time, and that means marketers will find a way to help us celebrate by creating things we can buy to help us celebrate. Things like window decorations, festive clothing, products with a particular purpose or packaging to recognize the occasion. Practically every American holiday, either secular or religious, has been commercialized in one way or another, and people are happy to buy the things we buy to supplement the holiday spirit. We have President’s Day sales, Easter baskets with chocolate eggs and bunnies, Independence Day fireworks, Thanksgiving Turkeys and Christmas presents under a tree. We have paper hats and noisemakers, plus sparkling wine for New Years. Two of our holidays have so far mostly escaped commercialization: Doctor Martin Luther King day, and Labor day. I don’t even know how to celebrate Dr. King day, except to maybe propose a toast to his message and honor his personal sacrifice. Labor Day is melancholy, at best, as it celebrates the unofficial end of summer and reminds us that we have to go back to work on Tuesday. Now America has a fairly new holiday called Juneteenth. I had never heard of Juneteenth until some of the kids I was coaching football were talking about it. That was a few years ago. Now, this June 19th, we’ll celebrate it for the second time as a federal holiday. It’s a worth day of note, as it was when the last enslaved people got the news that President Lincoln had abolished slavery. While slavery is nothing to celebrate, the end of it certainly is. Juneteenth began in Texas more than 150 years ago, and is considered by may Blacks to be their Independence Day. But how do you celebrate Juneteenth? I did a quick search online, and found a New York Times article that said some people celebrate Juneteenth with a barbeque, shooting fireworks, and enjoying red drinks, which symbolize perseverance. So it sounds like some other American holidays, like Memorial Day, Labor Day and Independence Day. There are festivals in some cities where music is played and people enjoy a festive atmosphere. In that spirit, Wal-Mart introduced a Juneteenth Ice cream to mark the occasion. It’s a red velvet and cheesecake swirl. The red velvet seems to go along with the customary red drinks. It sounds very good. The package also included the message, “Share and celebrate African-American culture, emancipation and enduring hope.” But you probably won’t find it at your local Wal-mart, as an executive of the company tells Fox LA they received feedback that a few items caused concern for some of our customers and we sincerely apologize. We are reviewing our assortment and will remove items as appropriate. One writer called it the latest entry to Tone-Deaf Marketing Hall of Fame and exploitative for capitalism’s sake. They said it’s offensive for Wal-mart to make an ice cream that recognizes an American Federal holiday! Because “some” people complained. Now, I don’t know if it was white people or black people or what, but this is America! We’re a capitalist society! If there’s a way to commercialize a holiday, America will find it! Personally, I don’t like the way Christmas has been commercialized, but I’m not going to tell Wal-mart they can’t sell wrapping paper with candy canes on it. People wanted Juneteenth to be a federal holiday, and now it’s a federal holiday. There are celebrations, traditions, gatherings of people to celebrate together, often with fireworks. Is Wal-mart not allowed to sell fireworks for Juneteenth? Is Wal-mart not allowed to sell red drinks during the month of June? If the Juneteenth holiday is a celebration, then you shouldn’t be surprised that companies will come up with ways to help you celebrate. That’s capitalism, not exploitation. Only a small percent of Americans will actually celebrate Juneteenth. This year, June 19th is a Sunday, so many of us won’t have to work that day. It’ll probably be a little warm in much of America, providing an opportunity to get outside and fire up the grill. Maybe drink a red drink and take a moment to think about freedom, and how it took longer for our black brothers and sisters to get it. But don’t look for red velvet cheesecake swirl ice cream at Wal-mart, because some people forgot that they live in America. People fought for this holiday, and now that we have it, some people think they have the final say on how or if American companies can participate. And shame on Wal-mart for caving in. Here’s what Wal-mart should’ve said: “While Juneteenth is a celebration of freedom, Wal-mart is also free to make and sell products we think our customers will enjoy.” This holiday is the result of a quest for recognition. But then when a company like Wal-mart gives the holiday recognition, the liberals on Twitter condemn them for doing what they thought was a good thing to do. Every holiday is going to be commercialized! I think it’s appalling that some people think this holiday, Juneteenth, is somehow protected from commercialization. Commercializing holidays is what Americans do best! Look, many Americans are just now learning what Juneteenth is. If you want the rest of the country to join you in the celebration, you gotta make it fun. Because if most Americans aren’t celebrating with you, then it’s not a national holiday, it’s a special-interest holiday. Is this going to be a holiday that brings Americans together, or is it going to be another way to divide us, compliments of the United States government? If you don’t want Wal-mart to make an ice cream flavor to recognize a holiday, it sounds to me like you don’t want anyone else to come to the party.

Let’s go back liner 

1433

Joan of Arc, who led France from the brink of defeat during the hundred years war, was burned at the stake by the English after being captured and tried for witchcraft and heresy.

1660

Mary Dyer is hanged for defying a law banning Quakers from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. Now, the Massachusetts Bay Colony was a Puritan colony. The Puritans and Quakers both settled in the new world so they could practice their religions freely. But there were distinct differences between the Puritans and the Quakers, even though both were Christian religions. In any case, the Puritans didn’t want any Quakers in their territory, and Mary Dyer, a Quaker, defied the Quaker ban on numerous occasions until finally, the Puritans had had enough.

1678

Lady Godiva takes a horseback ride through Coventry wearing only her long hair. So, who was Lady Godiva, and why did she ride through the town naked?

Look that up liner

She was the wife of Leofric, Earl of Mercia. Mercia was a territory that covers what is most of modern-day England. Both he and the Lady were benefactors of many religious shrines and monasteries. In that respect, very generous people. Wikipedia lists the many times their generosity is recorded in the history of time. But Lady Godiva felt that her husband was taxing the population, a.k.a. tenants, far too much. She persisted in troubling her husband to be less stingy. Finally, he agreed to lower the taxes if she would ride naked through the town on horseback. She called his bluff! Classic. Odds are she wanted to do it! If I were confident enough in how I look naked, and I was given the opportunity to take off my clothes and ride a horse through town, I would do it! So anyway, the townsfolk, or whatever they called themselves back then, were ordered to stay inside and shut their windows. There was one guy who found the sight of the naked Lady too enticing. He looked, and legend doesn’t say how anybody knows that one guy looked. How do we know he looked? Did somebody see him look? If so, why were they looking? Was it Lady Godiva who say him look? One thing we do know is that his name was Tom. Henceforth known as...Peeping Tom. 

1778

French philosopher Voltaire died. Not his real name, but irrelevant. As a philosopher, he was a personally religious man, but critical of organized religion. But he promoted peace and understanding among those of different religions. A prolific writer of poetry, plays, essays, novels and even scientific papers, he’s best known as a philosopher. His approach to philosophy is pragmatic, and I’m a big fan of that. Sometimes, the inability to understand another person’s point of view or why a particular issue concerns them is the largest stumbling block to compromise. Philosophy helps overcome that inability by helping you understand how to see an issue from different perspectives. Religions are also philosophies. Voltaire was among the first to argue for religious tolerance. His satire landed him in prison twice, once in the famous Bastille. Wikipedia says he wrote more than two-thousand books and pamphlets. But he didn’t make money as a philosopher. Studying philosophy is great, but you can’t get a degree in philosophy and open up a philosophy store. The only way you can make money with philosophy is to make a religion out of it. L. Ron Hubbard figured it out. Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania recently discontinued its Philosophy program. I only know this because I saw a long post from the professor there about the cancellation on social media. There were many comments condemning the move, condolences for the end of an era, and support in general. But what does a degree in Philosophy get you? Where are you going to get a job with a degree in philosophy? I love philosophy, but it isn’t something you do for a living! I’m sure Voltaire knew that, and so did Emmanuel Kant, and Alan Watts. This is a perfect example of how colleges and universities are selling worthless degrees, and now the Biden administration wants to cancel a portion of student debt. Some progressives are calling for ALL student debt to be forgiven. These are student loans that are guaranteed by the US government, so the US government has the authority to play with the terms. Instead of having the government forgive student loans that were used to pay for worthless educations, or in fields that will take decades of work to break even, why don’t the colleges and universities refund the tuition paid by students who now find themselves with a fancy degree, but working in whatever the equivalent of a waterbed store is today.

1790

Rhode Island became last of original 13 colonies to ratify the Constitution. Our smallest state, the first state to outlaw slavery, was also the last to agree to join the union. The separation of state and federal governments is still an important part of our model. Again, 1790. Fourteen years after the Declaration of Independence.

1886

U.S. President Grover Cleveland marries Frances Folsom in the White House, becoming the only president to get married in the executive mansion. Today, you would have a hard time getting elected president as a single man or woman. There will probably come a time when our country will have a Mr. President and a First Gentleman, or a Madam President and a First Gentleman, or a Madam President and a First Lady. I’m not sure how we would address a President or their significant other if they use non-gender pronouns. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the President of the United States, Pat. They thank you for being here.

1886

Chemist John Pemberton places his first advertisement for Coca-Cola in the Atlanta Journal. Today it’s the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. What hasn’t changed is that Coca-Cola continues to advertise. Even though it’s famous around the world, Coca-Cola recognizes how valuable an advertising investment will be.

1888

The poem “Casey at the Bat”, by Ernest Lawrence Thayer, is published in the San Francisco Examiner. If you’re a philosopher, it’s a poem that inspires one to always hope, to never give up. Allow me to recite if for you here:  
Casey at the Bat

Ernest Lawrence Thayer - 1863-1940

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day:

The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play,

And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,

A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest

Clung to the hope which springs eternal in the human breast;

They thought, "If only Casey could but get a whack at that—

We'd put up even money now, with Casey at the bat."

But Flynn preceded Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake,

And the former was a hoodoo, while the latter was a cake;

So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,

For there seemed but little chance of Casey getting to the bat.

But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,

And Blake, the much despisèd, tore the cover off the ball;

And when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had occurred,

There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.

Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;

It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;

It pounded on the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,

For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place;

There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile lit Casey's face.

And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,

No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Casey at the bat.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;

Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt;

Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,

Defiance flashed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,

And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.

Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped—

"That ain't my style," said Casey. "Strike one!" the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,

Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore;

"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand;

And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Casey's visage shone;

He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;

He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the dun sphere flew;

But Casey still ignored it and the umpire said, "Strike two!"

"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered "Fraud!"

But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed.

They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,

And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again.

The sneer is gone from Casey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate,

He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate;

And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,

And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright,

The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;

And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,

But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out.

(This poem is in the public domain.)

So, like a philosopher, a baseball player who strikes out may go down in history, but he probably won’t make a lot of money. In any case, Casey at the Bat demonstrates how our fortunes can change at any moment.

1900

US troops arrive in Peking - help put down Boxer Rebellion

1912

Massachusetts becomes the first state of the United States to set a minimum wage.

1913

17th amendment providing popular election of senators

1913

Igor Stravinsky’s ballet score The Rite of Spring receives its premiere performance in Paris, provoking a riot. Actually, there are no accounts of rioting until 10 years later, which may have been a publicity stunt. Stravinsky himself was seldom satisfied with any performance of it by orchestras around the world. Sometimes it’s hard to get other people to comprehend what you imagine, and it’s nearly impossible to write it down in a way that can be understood and replicated by other people. That’s often a sign of genius and often frustrating for the composer. Frank Zappa often displayed the same frustrations with his orchestral compositions.

1919

Anarchists simultaneously set off bombs in eight separate U.S. cities. Anarchy in America isn’t new, but people still come up with new reasons for anarchy.

1927

The last Ford Model T rolls off the assembly line after a production run of more than 15-million vehicles. I wonder how many of them are left.

1935

Supreme Court declares FDR's Natl Recovery Act unconstitutional

1939

1st TV heavyweight boxing match - Max Baer vs Lou Nova. Max Baer was the Heavyweight Champion for about a year in the mid 1930’s. Despite being a great fighter, Max Baer is probably best known for being the father of the actor Max Baer Jr, also known as Jethro Bodine of the Beverly Hillbillies!

1939

Holocaust: The MS St. Louis, a ship carrying 963 Jewish refugees, is denied permission to land in Florida, United States, after already being turned away from Cuba. Forced to return to Europe, more than 200 of its passengers later die in Nazi concentration camps.

1946

Patent filed in US for H-Bomb. My first thought was, “Why file a patent on a hydrogen bomb?” Surely, we’re not going to tell anybody how to make one, and if anybody did, it would probably be the government of another country. They don’t care about an American patent on a thermonuclear device. If they can figure out how to make one, they’re gonna do it! It’s like putting a patent on going to the moon and back. If you can figure out how to do it, your free to do it. 

1977

NJ allows casino gambling in Atlantic City. This ruling really changed the landscape of America. Not only did it open the door for other states to legalize gambling, it led to other forms of gambling to become legal in many states, including on-line gambling. In my opinion, gambling, whether it be state-sponsored or state-sanctioned business, making it so easy to gamble is a scourge on society in the same way as any addiction. Some people can gamble on occasion without it becoming a problem, but there are a lot of people, and we’re finding out how many every time we make it easier, who cannot control the urge to gamble. If you want to double your money, do what I do: Fold it. Here’s another tip: I always break even on the change machine. I put in a dollar, and I win four quarters.

1977

The Trans-Alaska Pipeline System is completed. President Biden, on his first day in office, stopped the construction of a pipeline. Meanwhile, the Alaska pipeline is still in operation today, although at diminished volume. The ownership has gone under some changes, but the original plan to remove the pipeline and restore the natural environment after it’s no longer being used is still in place and is still updated regularly. It’s shown itself to be a valuable tool in America’s energy needs, and it’s a shame that the current administration doesn’t understand how their energy policies are hurting us as a country and as individuals. 

1978

The first international applications under the Patent Cooperation Treaty are filed. I don’t think it helped us stop anyone from making a hydrogen bomb.

1979

John Paul II 1st pope to visit a communist country. Well, it was his home country. Poland.

1980

Cable News Network (CNN) begins broadcasting. It’s under new leadership now, and more facts and less opinion have been promised. Let’s see what happens

1987

19-year-old West German pilot Mathias Rust evades Soviet Union air defenses and lands a private plane in the Red Square in Moscow. He is immediately detained and will not be released until August 3, 1988. One man in a little airplane humiliated what was supposed to be the second-most sophisticated defense program in the world.

1999

In Milan, Italy, after 22 years of restoration work, Leonardo da Vinci’s masterpiece The Last Supper is put back on display. Wow. Twenty-two years of restoration work. Couldn’t they just get him to paint another one?

2001

U.S. Supreme Court rules that disabled golfer Casey Martin can use a cart to ride in tournaments. I disagree! If you want to compete in an athletic event, you must be able to do what the other competitors are doing. 

Unfinished Business liner

Just a couple housecleaning items I’d like to address: I praised Dolly Parton for not accepting induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Since then, she let the decision up to her fans, who, of course, said yes. So, she’s going in. By the way, Dolly Parton does do a version of Led Zepplin’s “Stairway to Heaven.”

Elon Musk is still buying Twitter, but it hasn’t happened yet.

And, getting back to Juneteenth, I’d like to address the subject of what some people call Cultural Appropriation. Cultural appropriation is when somebody copies a style of dress, a hairstyle, or some kind of practice or ritual associated with a culture not their own. Some examples would be when Nancy Pelosi and other Democrats donned African garb and knelt in the Capital rotunda, or when a white woman gets her hair done in cornrows. My mom, on a trip to the West Indies, once got her hair done up in dozens of beads. It made noise when she shook her head. But the Jamaican lady there was happy to do it. Most cultures are happy and anxious to share their customs, while some are not. As someone who is of mostly Polish ancestry, I hope everybody in the world gets to eat Pierogi’s whenever they want. Pagan rituals from long-forgotten cultures are still practiced today, such as an evergreen Christmas tree. For those of you who have tattoos, you’ve appropriated a culture from 6000 years before Christ. The N-word has been culturally appropriated by Black people, having been coined by the Egyptians and commonly used by white people in the past, it is now only allowed to be used by Black people. I personally think the word should be erased from all vocabularies, as its use, even by Black people, still suggests the person being addressed is somehow inferior. But the truth is, cultural appropriation is only possible if a culture is unwilling to share. American is known to be what many have called a “melting pot.” Many different cultures coming together to form a society that uses the best of what we, as humans, have to offer. If a culture isn’t willing to share their customs and traditions and styles, then we don’t have a melting pot, we have a menagerie. If you’re part of a culture that doesn’t want to share with the rest of us, why are you here? Those who cry cultural appropriation don’t belong in America. Our motto, E Pluribus Unum, says it all. 

The Listening Tube is written and produced by yours truly. Copyright 2022. Thank you for being a part of the Listening Tube. I’m your host, Bob Woodley for thou ad infinitum.